My first gray hair - and other thoughts on getting old


Real Me: Holy shit.

Logical Me: Is that…wait, that can’t be.

Real Me: A gray hair. My first gray hair.

Logical Me Maybe it’s a natural highlight or something? It looks blonde…from far away.

Real Me: Really? Okay good.

Five Minutes Later:

Real Me:…But, what if I start to get more? I’ve seen people with these huge gray streaks before. Remember that girl in high school who had one across the front of her hair?

Logical Me: I thought it was kind of cool. Maybe you can make it cool. Isn’t gray hair was like, a thing now?

Real Me: I’m 23. And, I’m not Kylie Jenner. It is not cool for me to have gray hair.

It makes me Feel Old.

What does it mean to Feel Old?

I know that you felt It on your 21st birthday as the lights started to come on at the bar — and you slowly realized that this was the last time you would actually look forward to celebrating your age.

But, what about the times that you notice how people look Young?

I’ve been feeling that more and more lately. You take a look at their faces, and scrawny little bodies, and crooked teeth, and laughter that’s a bit too free, and think: You can’t be older than 16.

And then, this weird feeling of anger washes over you. Or maybe it’s a combination of anger and nostalgia. Because, you know that you’ll never be that naive, or innocent again. That no matter how selfish you are in your 20s, you still have an understanding of the World that you can’t unlearn. One that you didn’t have at 16.

That’s Getting Old.

Getting Old is when you realize that your ideal Friday nights have shifted from being the loudest, or staying up the latest — to curling up on your nice, quiet couch with a glass of wine.

Getting Old is when you choose to have 5 really close, loyal friends — rather than 30 temporary ones. And, you understand what your Mom meant when she said: “Quality is better than quantity.” Because those friends will be there for you when you have a really shitty break up; instead of for your parent’s liquor cabinet.

Getting Old is when you start doing things for You — and not just because they’re cool. It’s when you realize that you would rather take a job with really smart people at a no-name place, versus really selfish people at a Really Important Corporation.

Getting Old is running marathons, and making your lunch and barring yourself from shopping at Forever 21.

But, Getting Old is also creating lasting relationships and Doing You and thinking about the bigger picture.

So, at that — you can’t be mad. Because, Getting Old isn’t all about gray hairs and regretting your 21st birthday. It’s becoming the best version of You that you possibly can.

…Even if that means giving in and moving to Brooklyn with your boyfriend & your dog.

bodyKatina Mountanos