A text that goes unanswered for days. An email chain that scrolls back to infinity. A coffee date that’s been changed more than your nail color.
It seems like scheduling our overloaded, endlessly-busy lives leave no room for error. And, those friends you used to have on speed dial (is that even a thing anymore?) have slowly drifted into the periphery of your life.
Some say that’s what happens as you Get Older.
I think it’s just called being a shitty friend.
Listen — I’m totally guilty of this, too. I’ve mastered the art of Monday morning texts saying, “Omg I’m the worstttt” after retreating into a Netflix-hole-that-is-my-apartment all weekend. Or deciding to cancel plans, because well, sleep is more important than another happy hour. Or choosing to go to a Cool Hotel Rooftop with people from work over your real friend’s wine night.
And, I’m not saying this is a bad thing. Sometimes, you just have to Do You. As an Adult, time is our most precious commodity — we can’t be wasting it on shit we don’t care about.
But if that’s the case, then we can’t also get mad when we see Best Friend Becky’s snapchats when she’s out with our old college friends — and we’re stuck drinking red wine in our robe.
You give what you get, my friends. Ignoring people means they will ignore you too. Cancelling on people means they won’t prioritize you either (see said email chain).
So, how do we fix this? Because, I don’t think of us graduate from college and expect to become a Bad Friend. But, it does happen. We get into relationships. We move. We grow apart.
We get Lazy.
You see, any relationship takes effort.
And, good relationships take humility. And hard work. And commitment. And answered texts. And late-night-wine-bottle-cry-sessions.
So, be honest with yourself. Because, there are some sister-level best friends with whom this kind of stuff will never be a question. And then, there are some friends with whom you only used to laugh with in the bathroom of the bar. They are not on your speed dial list any more (Speed dial? Is that even a thing?).
And, that’s okay. It’s sad, but that’s growing up. We don’t travel in packs of 20 anymore. We grow apart from those who we thought would be the Maid of Honor at our wedding. The ones who have shared our toothbrushes and favorite shirts and our deepest darkest secrets.
But Growing Up is not this lazy, noncommittal shit. It’s not ditching friends for Something Cooler — like we’re in middle school.
So, let’s choose less. Or better yet — let’s Try More. Let’s remember to text (or call?!) on days that aren’t a birthday or Christmas. Let’s be there for the exciting and the boring and the hard.
To all friends out there: Let’s be better friends.